February 2012
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i might be intimidated by this meeting or...
I have an hour-long meeting with my awesome Victorian lit professor today to discuss what I might write my term paper on. I have a grand total of zero ideas of what I might write my term paper on (okay, I have one idea, and it’s horribly vague), so I guess we’ll just talk about my love life or something to fill that hour.
I shouldn’t be terrified, because she’s super...
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Bawling at the brewery over the pre-show proud mom montage and Melissa McCarthy bringing her mom as her Oscar date.
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So, you know how Jenn and I like to make terrible birthday cards for people? We’re currently in the process of making an even worse thank-you card for Awkward Professor because he always buys pizza for our class film screenings. He’s going to have no idea how to react to this situation.
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operation: stop destroying my body begins tomorrow...
Hope you enjoy beautiful, mismatched, not-at-all-athletic swimsuits, WSU natatorium patrons!
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“I came home from shopping and your stepdad was sitting on the couch, eating ice...”
– My mom. Have we talked lately about how hilariously weird my family is?
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“SHE’S A CANCER AND HE’S AN AQUARIUS. IT’S NOT GONNA LAST.”
– Jenn is basically the human version of Animals Talking in All Caps today.
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“I have a question about the essay. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to...”
– That’s not a question, student.
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went out of my way to look modest today.
Of course, the wind gave me serious sex hair, and Jenn just pointed out that there’s a really suspicious looking run in the back of the right leg of my tights.
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“if tebow were muslim you wouldn’t hear a thing from anyone.”
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“Since I haven’t turned anything in all semester, can I assume I’m...”
– I’m honestly surprised my eyeballs were not ejected from my skull in the process of reading this student email.
Me: Please tell me you just did a Google search for "pizza on a dog."
Jenn: No. (Long pause.) I did a Google search for "pizza dog."
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One of these days, I will actually get around to writing that Parks/old Office style uncomfortable-workplace-sitcom about an English department, and you will all get to say you knew me back when.
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milestone
For the first time in my graduate career, I had to leave the room due to church giggles. Thank you, Awkward Professor, for saying “cash money” and making the “make it rain” hand gesture along with it.
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Someday, I will wear a ring on my right ring finger and my students won’t ask if I’m engaged.
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ugh, wednesdays.
Red Bull, take the wheel.
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Jenn: So, in class on Wednesday, Awkward Professor made a joke while Kellie was out of the room, and then repeated it for her when she came back in.
Courtney: Awww. That's the cutest thing in the world. I can't even explain why, but I just feel like I'm looking at cat pictures right now.
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“You look different today. Did you change your eyes?”
– One of my co-workers.
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WHY DID NO ONE TELL JENN AND ME THAT STANLEY TUCCI IS ENGAGED? WHAT GOALS ARE WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE IN LIFE NOW?
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watching episode 6 of downton
I know we’re all supposed to be super on board the Matthew/Mary train, and that’s all good and fun, but if Sybil and Branson don’t get together, I will set something on fire.
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How is it possible that my students got worse at formatting their essays since I gave them a style sheet?
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“I’d treat them right.”
– Jenn on chicken wings. This statement was followed by a wink.
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I did something moderately awesome and highly CJ Cregg-esque today. I should feel proud of myself and riled up about the situation itself, but mostly I just feel peaceful, which leads me to believe that CJ Cregg is just my inborn resting state and I should channel her more often.
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relaaaaax, tumblr.
The only reason they suspended production of The Colbert Report is that Stephen realized I’m his one true love/future head writer and he’s currently trying to find me.
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excerpts from my transatlantic lit notes.
Holy guilt, Batman!
Seriously, is this dinner with my family or a graduate seminar? STOP GUILTING US ABOUT THE SUPPLEMENTARY READING.
20% pop decline in W. Africa between 1700-1820. Hot diggity damn!
Slave trade Olympics: Spoiler alert, England wins.
Georgic = How Stuff Works in poetry form. But only the farming episodes.
“The poem was popular, but it was also cause for considerable...
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everyone in this department is drunk on...
I feel less bad about my delirium/struggles with the English language now that every department-wide e-mail has set off a chain of corrections.
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Some people think teaching is my job, but my job this week is actually slamming Halls honey-lemon cough drops.
Also: What, pray tell, is the point of showing up twenty minutes late to a fifty-minute class?
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thatselmactoyou replied to your chat: 17th century colonial literature problems.
I thought that diuretics made us pee, not poop…
This is true, but my cough-syrup induced version of the English language is wayyy more fun than the real version.
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17th century colonial literature problems.
James Grainger: This shrub... is said to be diuretic, but this I do not know from experience.
My margin note: It's okay, James Grainger. Everybody poops. You don't have to be embarrassed.
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starting downton abbey.
If I don’t enjoy this, all of you are ON NOTICE and so is Laura Linney.
“Another person’s compliment is not your insult.”
– Something that my mom’s best friend used to tell her kids when they were growing up/something graduate students clearly need to be reminded of on a constant basis.
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Sometimes I worry that my students think all I ever wear are cowl-neck sweaters and skirts, so today I wore a cowl-neck sweater over a dress.
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ugh, tonsillitis.
Not like I have to get observed by my boss, give a presentation on colonialism and domesticity, or sub for two of a co-workers’ classes all before 11 a.m. on Wednesday.
BREAKING NEWS: my victorian lit professor is still...
“You know, I read a study once that posited that a significant number of teen girls with problematic pregnancies who have no reservations about abortion wait too long to have the procedure because they just hope it will all go away. I think that happens with undergrads who keep attending classes they’ve failed.”
“Women were considered like cats in heat, humping everything...
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I will never understand why people find me intimidating, but I’ll always think it’s hilarious when certain people think I’m not aware of the fact that they’re intimidated by me.
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we're going to lose our film-screening privileges.
Awkward Professor: Well, the last time I got this DVD through ILL, I made a copy of it, so I guess I sort of pirated it, but now I can't find it.
Me: "Sort of" pirated it?
Jenn, howling with laughter: That's exactly what you did!
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Awkward Professor obviously wants to be besties...
Unfortunately, he’s going about this by calling me out on my ugly crying face and trying to diagnose the weird rash I had on my hand yesterday.
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