June 2012
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I decided that I’m going to try to go meatless this week, which isn’t really a huge challenge for me, except that this is the week I ovulate, and when I ovulate, all I really want is a side of beef wrapped in bacon.
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seriously, though.
Why is my voice so nasal and terrible? How does anyone in my academic career take me seriously? (Mostly I’m just sad that no one is ever going to let me be on NPR with these speaking pipes.)
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If I had known that setting up my office phone in my own name would require recording my own voice several times and playing it back, I would have just let all the voicemails sitting on it fester forever.
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i am a terrible daughter.
Sheebs: Um, is there a serial arsonist loose on your campus that you didn't tell me about?
Me: Oh. Yeah... I mean, it didn't seem like it was really necessary to talk about it and have you be all worried over it when the building I work in is made mostly of asbestos.
Sheebs: Okay, that doesn't actually make me feel better.
May 2012
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I guess it’s only appropriate that, on my last night in this apartment, my roommate is blasting some kind of Eastern European techno/gregorian chant hybrid music, as my feelings about said music are pretty much the same as my feelings about this living situations. And those feelings are actually thoughts, and those thoughts are mostly on the theme of “what the fuck is happening in this...
“If you wouldn’t wake up early to do it, you probably shouldn’t stay up late to...”
– I will probably never follow this advice, but that doesn’t mean it’s not fantastic advice.
via Reddit
(via themattsmith)
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It’s totally appropriate/healthy/normal to want to get a weekend-long prescription for Valium because you’re going to a conference with five colleagues who are living stressmonsters (and one who is a sarcastic asshole like you) and your Type B brain doesn’t know how to deal with their shit, right?
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when i finally finished 101 grading:
whatshouldthehumanitiescallme:
You all know you want to follow this Tumblr and submit posts and stuff.
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shannyns:
Sleep All Summer (Crooked Fingers...
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It wouldn’t be so bad that my upstairs neighbors are constantly having super loud sex right above my room if it didn’t sound so unpleasant and make me secondhand embarrassed for them at all times.
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when i manage to not make a total ass of myself...
whatshouldthehumanitiescallme:
Hey, Tumblr. This is a thing that Jenn and I are doing to avoid reading for our theses. If it applies to you, you should follow it and submit posts and aid our procrastination and stuff.
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Last night, Owen, Gracen, Jenn, and I got drunk and played Catchphrase. It was exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. Some highlights:
I could not, on my mother’s life, guess Robert E. Lee, and kept guessing Union generals instead.
Gracen tried to get Jenn to come up with a synonym for “alone” and Jenn came up with… drumroll please… “alone.”
Gracen,...
Netflix, if I wanted to watch a “Raunchy Dysfunctional-Family TV Show,” I would have gone home for the summer. Step up your game.
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“I’m just confused about my B. I thought I sent you enough emails to...”
– Oh, you’re right, student. While 35% of your final grade was based on in-class participation and group work and the other 65% was based on your portfolio, what I actually meant is that 100% of your grade is based on constantly sending emails to your instructor that can be answered by reading...
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when people who are not me get to move to ireland,...
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WatchOh, you know, just making 8tracks playlists to distract myself from work I should be doing.
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grandparents on facebook.
My creep feed just told me that my grandma found “a Giant Tentacle in Solitaire Blitz.” Should I be worried?
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I do not understand why throw pillows cost what they do.
Never mind, you can totally buy some IKEA shit online now. I want to be mad at you all for not telling me this, but I think we can all agree that this is terrible for my self-control.
Never mind again; throw pillows are not any of those things. Maybe I can have my mom do an in-store pickup and illicitly mail me some things from her...
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jenn and i laughed at faculty profiles for a good...
Me: [Redacted] looks like a fetus in hers. She's, like... our age in it.
Jenn: She does. She's either drinking a Jello shot or a baby beer.
Me: I think it's probably a baby beer.
Jenn: I don't know. She's pretty tan in this picture. It probably wasn't a baby beer. It's probably a Jello shot. She got sunburned on the beach and decided to have some Jello shots afterward.
Me: What? What are you even talking about right now?
Jenn: [Redacted] probably made them for her. You know... because he can't go out in direct sunlight.
Me, after recovering from my laughter: It could have just been a beer flight. I think it was probably just a beer flight. Even though she looks like she's about 19, just havin' some drinks in TJ.
[Approximately 90 minutes later, at the bar, during a discussion about why vegans are sometimes terrible.]
Me, hitting Jenn on the arm: It must have been a beer flight! She's a vegan; she can't have Jello shots!
Jenn: Come on. She's so young in that picture; she probably wasn't even a vegan back then.
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probably the grad studentest of all grad student...
My office looks more like a place where I live than my apartment does. Going to try to sell this stupid guitar I never have time to play to get some cash to do something about that situation when I move into my new house.
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I am working on a joint project at my punk-ass book jockey job with a libertarian who has the work ethic of Ron Swanson and the self-righteousness of Marcia Langman and it is exactly as terrible as it sounds.
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Here is a list of people who want Polanski to not... →
bryndonovan:
greenogry:
thegirlwiththefinchertattoo:
Happy as hell that Fincher is not on the original or updated list, even though he respects some of Polanski’s films (i.e. doing Blu Ray commentary for Chinatown). Sad that Harrison Ford and Tilda Swinton can’t make the same delineation between a great filmmaker simultaneously being a sexual predator.
Is that the list with portman?
I...
In case anyone was concerned about Jenn’s and my domestic partnership, we’ve been drinking tequila since 5 and just belted “I’m the Only One” at each other, so there’s that.
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finally heard back from the world's...
And the seminar paper I’m turning into my thesis got accepted for a panel. Right now I’m just letting my feelings of fanciness about adding a conference line and a professional memberships section to my CV and feelings of excitement about getting to go to Seattle for the first time as a conscious being outweigh my feelings of nervousness about presenting and my feelings of bummertown...
touché
Owen: Yeah, I had a student who was a comm major who said in his portfolio that he doesn't think he's going to need this class because he doesn't need writing.
Gracen: What kind of communications is he planning on using, smoke signals?
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oh my god.
I think I’m the last person in the universe to hear back from this damn conference. And I submitted to twice as many panels as anyone else who’s heard back, so even if I hear back from one soon, I’ll still be waiting on the other. Ugh.
(Also, remember how I wasn’t going to think about work or my thesis today? Clearly I’m not doing so well at that.)
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Aside from just about everything, nothing really beats the feeling of transitioning from being still half-drunk to actively hungover in the middle of a college commencement.
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If anyone wants to come to Avery Hall, euthanize me, and finish my grading for me, that would be greatly appreciated.
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grad student life is just an extended series of...
Mike: Today in awkward student/teacher conversations in Avery 331, from a student of Kyle's: "Okay, I'll see you guys around. Try to do something with your lives if you can."
Me: Did you two ever find an oven for your stupid taco pizza?
Mike: The pizza is still sitting here, uncooked. I'm effing hungry. Did you drink all the tequila yet?
Me: You should just eat some raw pizza. I bet Butler would join you, he'll eat anything. Tequila has to wait until after portfolio grading, but I think I am going to treat myself to some reading glasses later.
Mike: I'm in a similar boat. Think I'm gonna go pick up some salve and some Ny-Quil. Gotta ask Butler if he'll apply the salve for me, though.
Me: Have you finished whipping through those Readers' Digests* to find some inspirational quotes for your term paper/love letter to Wendy?
Mike: I don't know, have you finished looking through your pornography collection to give something to Awkward Professor that's as weird as the jungle sex movie he gave you?
Me: No, because I just read a sentence in a student paper that refers to "Asians all geek out in their go-go gadget" and I need someone to pour whiskey directly into my liver first.
Mike: GO GO GADGET? For reals? You may need to hit up Nighttime Pediatrics after that one. Be sure to wear your little boy blazer*, though, and try not to get toothpaste* on it.
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sitting in starbucks, grading.
A weird fratty bro just walked past me, made eye contact, and put a Panda Express fortune cookie on my laptop keyboard without a word. What? What even?
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